Tides

Feeling the pulls and the tugs
Fortitude becomes wilted
Releasing the viscosity of cruel unrelenting ire
The dykes and levees travail
But, the stunning moon, remains
It wells and breaks
Melee that whirls and whorls
Till cohesivenes returns

Dix-sept du Mai-Quotes

"Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity."
-- Christopher Morley

"A truly great book should be read in youth, again in maturity and once more in old age, as a fine building should be seen by morning light, at noon and by moonlight. "
-- Robertson Davies

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong."
-- Bertrand Russell

"Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance."
-- William Shakespeare

Seize du Mai-Quotes

"Many would be cowards if they had courage enough."
-- Thomas Fuller

"He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"You live and learn. At any rate, you live."
-- Douglas Adams

"If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport."
-- George Winters

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Quotes 1-4

Many have looked back and told me that I was a craven ass.  And they are right I was.   

~~ I just couldn't look into those eyes and feel anything reprehensible. He was perfect; I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by gushing rivers of gooey sticky lurve when he was near. His smile and his fit fit bod drove me into the rut faster than anything could.

It didn't help that he felt the same way. Somehow we ended up meeting everyday just so we could get drunk on that river of lurve. The sweet saltiness of his lips was my pleasure. The way he felt so so good.  The way he made me melt and harden at the same time, just for him.  

He didn't question it. He never asked for more or even pried. He kept things simple.

But I wanted him to ask, to pry.

During one of our enthralling jiffies, I blurted out that I had a girlfriend. He stopped and looked at me with unfathomable eyes. After a moment we went on anyways.

 It didn't stop him. Or so I thought.

I felt that she had to meet him. After all she was my girlfriend and he was my…pleasure.  In that instant I decided that they would meet. I asked them both to accompany me to eat out.

She was excited to meet him. She kept asking about him. I told her everything I knew about him. He was indifferent about meeting her. He didn't ask about her,so I didn't tell him a thing.

They met and were polite with each other. She really liked him and his biting humor, which I had never noticed.

He would look at her with warmth...and sympathy.  She never understood the way he had.

After that I would never have his lips on mine, his hardness against mine.  The pleasure of his unique taste was forever gone from me.     

Why the news, youtube, and glee are not to be watched before going to bed.

I will never ever ever do this again. I ended up dreaming a certain youtube star (nigahiga) kissed me while having back up dancers. And that  Brittney kept asking me about how the immigration thing was going.

Weird?

Yes, and it gets worse. It ends up I was recounting this to a friend at a cafe. As I am telling her this I get sucked in by my flashback. And as I pull out of it I yell "NIGAHIGA, RYAN NIGAHIGA  How dare he kiss ME! with his HOTNESS".

I then realize that I am still in a cafe with my friend and everybody is looking at me. Even the waiter gives me a strange look. Then my friend starts laughing at me.

Thank the cheez-it Goddess I woke up or who knows what my mind would've come up with.

Quatorze du Mai-Quotes

"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!"
-- Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata

"Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right."
-- Laurens Van der Post

"There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government."
-- Benjamin Franklin

"Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it."
-- Ted Morgan

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First Quote and Third

Lloyd sat in his dismal little rowboat. The sun was not at its best. He barely gleaned any warmth from it. He stared at the little eyes of the fish. How could it be that this creature had been the demise of his sister? His sweet sister trying to protect this supposed endangered fish had lost her life, ironically to that very same fish. It really wasn't a fish but a transforming sea demon. Life had given his sister a love for animals and the sea demon a love for the taste of young girl.

Luckily it had also given him the ability to enjoy vengeance.

It wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be to find the sea demon.  Slitting its throat was also disappointingly easy. He had expected more from the being that had his sister for dinner.

At least it was satisfying to see the surprise in its eyes and to hear his last attempts at breathing.   Oddly it had changed back into the fish.

It was enough food to last him for the trip back home.

Second and Fourth Quote

Sorrow in your voice, belief that you are meant for solitude.

The vanity shows, with the guilt you wish to create for others.

Selfishness drips like glaringly scarlet drops on snow.

Your suffering primed on your mind. Wiping it all away with your  want

for unique wit.

Childish feelings disparaging others.

The insanity you demand from us.

It drives and drives you slowly in to an abyss.

Certainty in what you hold as your credo.

 

 

I let myself down again.  Honest to whatever is out there, I just cannot help but feel like shit. My best friends tell me that they are so glad to have me. They feel as if they can be their true selves with me and only me. I wish I could say the same. Don't get me wrong I love them both to death. I just cannot trust them in this one matter.

Me.

I am so fucking fragile.(insert eye rolling here)

It pisses me off that I cannot face myself and let others see the true me. That I'm not just an innocent pervert and a good ear.

That I am much more than my race and skin color. I suppose that my ethnicity does have an influence on my personality. Just a little. I do not like letting people see me being weak. And when I do I instantly regret it. I have an attachment to my family. No matter how much I want to deny it I am stuck with them. I know I can live with out them. I've done it before, its just the getting  away apart that is difficult.

I do know young me would be kicking my ass if she could see me now. She would say "stop being so damn emotional and gather your shitty self together and suck it in.  I cannot fucking stand whiny people. And just so you know I have always expected more from you than this shitty sopping mess you call your life."

Oh well...
What I do know is that  I have lost sight of myself. I just need to chase myself again and hand cuff us together.(not that I have multiple personality disorder) And hope that by the time I have another meltdown it will be about something important.

Lets hope that I am quick enough to avoid it.