I let myself down again.  Honest to whatever is out there, I just cannot help but feel like shit. My best friends tell me that they are so glad to have me. They feel as if they can be their true selves with me and only me. I wish I could say the same. Don't get me wrong I love them both to death. I just cannot trust them in this one matter.

Me.

I am so fucking fragile.(insert eye rolling here)

It pisses me off that I cannot face myself and let others see the true me. That I'm not just an innocent pervert and a good ear.

That I am much more than my race and skin color. I suppose that my ethnicity does have an influence on my personality. Just a little. I do not like letting people see me being weak. And when I do I instantly regret it. I have an attachment to my family. No matter how much I want to deny it I am stuck with them. I know I can live with out them. I've done it before, its just the getting  away apart that is difficult.

I do know young me would be kicking my ass if she could see me now. She would say "stop being so damn emotional and gather your shitty self together and suck it in.  I cannot fucking stand whiny people. And just so you know I have always expected more from you than this shitty sopping mess you call your life."

Oh well...
What I do know is that  I have lost sight of myself. I just need to chase myself again and hand cuff us together.(not that I have multiple personality disorder) And hope that by the time I have another meltdown it will be about something important.

Lets hope that I am quick enough to avoid it.